Hello. This past week saw a seemingly endless string of abuse allegations against various folk who will hopefully be removed from this industry with all the speed and force of a trebuchet pointed at the sun. On top of that, allegations that publisher/developer Chucklefish didn’t pay dozens of staff working on their first hit Starbound has made this an altogether heavy week in games. Still, you lot never let me down and, I’m assuming in an attempt to cheer me up, loads of you sent me a trailer for NBA 2K20 despite the fact that I am morally against all forms of sports. I watched this a few days ago and… to slap the… “Content Creator” label onto my face for a second, I… [sigh] “Reacted” to it. Take it away, past me. You wanker. Thanks, me from a few days in the future. Right, how much people have sent me this trailer for “MyTEAM” “NBA 2K20 MyTEAM Trailer”, currently at like… twelve thousand dislikes— the entire bar is grey so this is something that nobody likes. I am excited to see… what… almost, likely just a hundred people have been like “You know what, yeah this is fine.” and then thousands and thousands have said no. I do like that there’s a— It just says “MT” everywhere which, yes, it stands for MyTEAM but in my head stands for microtransactions so let’s see… what we’ve got. I just clicked play. Ooh there’s a Content Creator there. Sitting in the world’s most gener— Oh, loot box, that’s… immediately out the fucking front gate we have a loot box. Ooh, somebody won shoes and a contract. You actually have to work for 2K if you get those contract cards. Bit of basketball here— Woah. It’s like “Where’s the loot boxes?” Oh don’t— Don’t worry, here’s some more. “New evolution cards”, wow. That’s good. More shit. Another content creator!
In the same living room, that’s… They’re brothers, they don’t talk, it’s desperately sad. Wow! There’s like 18 different currencies on that screen there. Wow look at that! If you win a thousand times you get some bullshit. This is… I don’t know what community [laugh]— What the fuck is that? Oh… Oh he’s really into it. His controller’s not on, but fuck is he into… whatever the fuck that was. His friend’s the lamp now. That’s a slot machine! That’s just a proper fucking… Wow that actor they paid to pretend to play really is having good luck today. Does that say “Spin the wheel to win amethysts?” That’s just a big, spinny wheel. Aw, look at that, that’s just a big… [laughing] Wow Yeah, this is— I like that they didn’t even bother to get a second living room set, I think that’s my favourite thing Oh! Let’s just cap the trailer off with… yet another set of loot boxes. Wow. This isn’t— This isn’t gambling… it’s just… just— just— all the things gambling has. It’s just— It’s— Jesus. “Welcome to the next” level of… fucking bullshit. Fuuuuck me. I don’t think I can add to that other than… Fuuuck me. Right, we need a palate cleanser. Dennis Gustafsson — uh @tuxedolabs over on twitter — has been uploading some incredible videos of a currently untitled, work in progress game and just… look at this destruction. just— just— look at it. LOOK AT IT! I want this. I need this. I’m not entirely sure what kind of game we’re looking at here, but as long as it doesn’t have giant spiders, I am IN. Oh, come on! Do you like Shovel Knight? Well this week was certainly good for you as Yacht Club Games announced not one, not two, not three, not four, but TWO Shovel Knight updates and a brand new spin-off game. I assume at some sort of… ShovelCon press conference. Shovel Knight Dig, the brand new game, is made in collaboration with Bomb Chicken’s Nitrome and it looks… like… a… slightly more Spelunkified Shovel Knight It looks fun. You could say… that I DIG it. Pause for laughter. Knights And Bikes is out, the latest game to be published by Double Fine, and it looks like a seriously sweet co-op experience. Sadly, I have not been able to play it yet, and that’s because I have been playing Devolver Digital’s latest, Heave Ho, with Rebecca, and… Look, I’m not saying we’re having problems, but if they punt me off the stage, forcing my character to explode into a jet of blue gloop one more time… It’s a co-op game! Why ya gotta be like that!? They’re not in the room. Recommendations! Loads this week! First up is Platinum Games’ first Switch exclusive, Astral Chain, a game that’s part… anime pagentry, and part… “What if Pokemon had guns and swords and shit?”. I’ve not clocked that many hours yet, but I’m really loving this spectacle fighter so far. Downsides